How do i begin trusting myself?
I started my journey into self-trust by asking this question: How do I begin trusting myself and my decisions? I discovered Jules Taylor Shore and through her mentorship have become a STAIR certified therapist. STAIR is a helpful scaffolding method for therapists and coaches. In my journey STAIR helped me organize brain-change principles and my own tools so that I could help people do this one thing: get into better relationship with themselves. I knew that if I wanted emotion regulation, boundaries, resilience, confidence…that it all started with a relationship. I wanted to do this for my clients but first I wanted that for myself.
So here is a short (I think, do-able) list of things that can help you take little starter steps into the world of self-trust and resilience. As with any new thing, little steps and small, imperfect actions can make a lasting impact.
I made little promises to myself and I kept them. I wanted to teach my body and mind that I am a good human and that relating to me would be a good experience. Can I offer an example of an easy promise? I would promise myself an early bedtime, then I’d actually get into bed; or I’d drink a bottle of water before noon because I promised. What shifted over time? Well, over time, keeping a small promise to myself offered a counterbalance to my self-critic who was quick to offer how I am not a good enough person.
I started noticing my inner landscape of emotions and thoughts with attention and love. I noticed when memories came up, when bodily feelings emerged, and when I was achy or annoyed or anxious. Can I offer an example of noticing and being attentive? Spend a few moments (30 seconds, 1 min) to listen inward and notice your sensation as if its a visitor to your home. If there is annoyance about needing to fix your car even though you had other things on your to-do list, notice the irritation, perhaps your thoughts are spinning. Can you simply acknowledge how inconvenient this is? From this place, offer love and acknowlegdment. What shifted over time? Putting deliberate attention to your inner landscape is different than simply existing in your body. By being attentive- even to a small part of your frustration or annoyance or sadness, you cultivate a practice that lets your body know that you matter. We often seek validation from others, this practice helps us also do it for ourselves.
I send appreciations to myself. Appreciating people is something that’s taught in couples counseling. It’s a great tool for your own self-relating. Can I offer an example of an easy appreciation? I love that I just took out the garbage, I am so helpful; or, I have watched myself all day, I am such a nice person. What shifted over time? As I offered little appreciations to myself, I’d notice more spontaneous appreciations popping up in my mind.
The self-trust journey can be a long one, where you can add skills and build over time. If this is something you’d like to do, get in touch and let’s work on it together.